Thankful - Family Caregivers

Hey Hey Family Caregivers,

Wow, I feel like I could make a list of a thousand things that I want to thank you for. This letter is so different from the past two that I’ve written because in my letters to staff caregivers and to friends, I got to write thankfulness to them for making the choice to be involved and supportive. I could also write those letters from a perspective that caregiving might just be a short season of their life or a very small component of their life. For many family caregivers though, you did not have the choice to become a caregiver and you might be a caregiver for the rest of your life, or the thoughts of shifts in caregiving responsibilities is exhausting and so scary. Yet, despite these hard circumstances you continue to show up and do your best to make your loved one’s life as great as it possibly can be, and for that, thank you so much.

To the family caregivers, thank you for staying. The pain that can come with a developmental diagnosis or a sudden trauma, is so real and so hard. To you, family caregivers, who didn’t have a choice but are learning and finding your new normal, thank you for all that you’ve done in this time. But also, I know that each day you make the choice to provide great care for your care recipient when you could easily choose not to. For each of those decisions, thank you.

Thank you for enduring. Thank you for the continual sacrifices of yourself and of your interests. Thank you for all the times you’ve had to sacrifice your sleep to provide care. Thank you for choosing to care for your loved one over doing fun things with friends. Thank you for choosing the extra physical labor to bring your care recipient along with whatever the rest of your family is doing (the extra time packing and preparing medications, equipment, or even just getting emotionally ready for the extra capacity you need for trips out of the house with everyone).

Thank you for choosing to care for your own spirit and soul – for choosing to step away from your care recipient and having time to nurture and feed your soul. I know the balance can be hard and there can be so much struggle in those moments of deciding but thank you for making those hard decisions to best support your family and especially your care recipient.

Thank you for all that you do for your care recipient in secret. So much of caregiving is done behind closed doors and that extra time it takes to get ready for the day and getting ready for bed, and the increased need for a routine and regimented schedule so often can turn the majority of our days into time spent battling feelings of isolation and loneliness. In those moments, please know you are not alone, there are other people who understand how challenging it can be and how much sacrifice you have to make on a daily basis. Thank you for continuing to go to those hard places day after day to love your care recipient well.

Thank you for the work you’ve done to find peace and healing for yourself (peace and healing from any trauma you have, any sadness or disappointment you might have about your family’s circumstances). Your work on yourself and your emotional capacity is an amazing gift for your care recipient and is so powerful for them to be able to feel that deep peace and rest as well.

Thank you for the joy you walk in despite the hard circumstances of your life. Thank you for the ways you extravagantly love your care recipient and everyone else in your family. I know as a caregiver; every other aspect of life seems to take an extra amount of work, like making holidays and birthdays feel special. Thank you for choosing to do the work to make it happen. But also, thank you for choosing to say no, to allow more rest into your home, for yourself and for your care recipient. Thank you for doing the right thing for your family in that time. Thank you for your humility and surrender to the Lord. There is so much that you can’t control, and your wiliness to surrender it to the Lord and lean into His leadership and his direction for you and your family is such a blessing.

Siblings – I am so sorry for any moments you’ve had to sacrifice time with your family or getting to do fun things with your friends to be there for your sibling. Your sacrifices are not unnoticed, and while I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through these hard things, I am also so grateful for you and for your sibling to have you in their corner and willing to sacrifice and support them.

If this letter was hard for you - If you feel like you’re really struggling right now, and reading this letter painted a picture in your head of a family caregiver who has it all together and nothing is hard for them, I want you to know that isn’t true. Every family caregiver is a work in progress, every family caregiver struggles and has really hard days and really hard seasons. You are not alone. But I also want to encourage you that it doesn’t have to be this way. There is help and resources available to you. There are people who want to support you. And most of all, Jesus wants to help carry this load for you and guide you through this season. You can have peace and joy despite the crazy hard circumstances you may have before you in your life, and I want to encourage you to spend some time asking the Lord about how you can shift things to have more peace and joy in your day to day.

Sweet family caregivers, you are so loved, so important, and I am so thankful for the work that you do for your care recipient and for all of your family.

Much love,

Rebecca <3