What is Your Why: In the Day to Day

Today I want to chat about your why for caregiving. I realize the direct and quick answer to this question is your family member needs you to, or you need experience working in a healthcare setting, or it’s just the job you like. Whatever your reason is, I’m so glad you’re joining me for this series where I want to dive into the deeper why, the motivator behind your caregiving work. Whatever it is that spurs you on to doing high-quality work while providing care. Over the course of the next three weeks, we will be diving into this topic from various perspectives. Starting with what is your why in the day-to-day aspects of caregiving, then we’ll talk about what is your why when it comes to extravagant days in caregiving, and lastly, we’ll talk about what is your why for times of rest as it relates to caregiving. As you begin to ponder this, I want to share a story of how I articulated that deeper why for myself.

A few months into supervising the group home, I remember having a conversation with a friend about work and how exhausted I was. I began supervising in the time of year that we have the least amount of staff which meant I was working 70 or more hours a week. I was completely exhausted. [To all you family caregivers out there that are 24/7 caregivers - you are truly superheroes. And I know a lot of the staff caregivers out there can relate to working extremely long hours too.] As I was chatting with a friend and trying to explain to her how I was feeling about everything, I was able to articulate this phrase “it’s their whole life but it’s only a season of my life.” The more time I’ve spent pondering this phrase, the more I realize the significance it has had on my conscious and innate views of caregiving. This is the idea that will really be guiding this series.

Before we dive into this a bit more, I want to preface this phrase, that as a Christian, I 100% believe in healing and I believe that whatever the reason is that your care recipient needs caregiving, that the Lord can heal them from it. But I also believe that we spend a lot of time here on earth in the “not yet” part of the promise. While full healing is your care recipient’s portion and we know they will get to experience that in Heaven one day, we are here serving in the gap in the meantime. While we are praying and believing for healing, we are also here meeting their needs. So, with that in mind, my statement of saying it’s their whole life, is really more accurately, it’s their whole life until healing – be it here on earth (please, Jesus) or in Heaven. In the gap, I want their lives to be the best they can be.

Initially when I was thinking about these various topics relating to this What is Your Why series, I was thinking that this phrase, “it’s their whole life, but it’s only a season of my life” is something that would solely relate to next week when we talk about extravagance. But as I continued to reflect on my experiences in caregiving, I realized that this phrase is incredibly impactful in the day-to-day aspects of caregiving. This phrase plays in my head all the time – and frequently when I’m in the day-to-day aspects of caregiving. Particularly in those times when the opportunity to cut corners presents itself (thank you Holy Spirit for the reminder of what I’m actually about and encouraging me to continue walking in my identity). But how easy is it for us to choose to quick cram a shoe on our care recipient’s foot rather than taking the extra minute to place their shoe gracefully and gently on their foot? Reminding myself that this is their whole life, are they really deserving of having their foot shoved into a shoe because their caregiver doesn’t want to take the extra minute to do it kindly every day for the rest of their life? Absolutely not. And if I’m not willing to take the extra two seconds to kindly place the shoe on their foot, who will? If I’m not willing to floss their teeth well, who will?

Diving into this example of shoes a bit more – how many of you listening struggle with good shoes for your people? Whether their anatomy is a bit different, or their tone is wild, or the AFO’s make it way too difficult, shoes can be such a struggle. While working at the group home, I have made it my mission to always place their shoes on their feet as I would for Jesus as much as possible. By making sure I am fully untying them and put in the extra effort from the start – and do my best to be as graceful and gentle as possible while putting their shoe on their foot. If it were Jesus sitting in that wheelchair, I can guarantee you, I would take the time to bend down and fully loosen the shoe to slip his foot in. And my care recipient sitting in that chair probably doesn’t want to be part of the struggle or any frustration that shoes can cause. It’s just a season of my life – I can take the extra second and choose grace. It’s their whole life and they can’t choose to put their shoe on their foot nicely. I could go on and on about all the little things in caregiving that we can easily overlook, miss, or simply choose not to do (like warming up their food multiple times during their meal when they’re eating slowly, fixing their bedding underneath them in the middle of the night so they can be more comfortable, adjusting their positioning in their wheelchairs so their shirts aren’t bunched in their armpits or their hoyer sling isn’t bunched or dragging on the ground, seriously, I could go on and on about the details). I really believe there is so much power in choosing to do the extra thing. To make the adjustment, to kindly ensure that the best care is being provided. When we choose the extra things, we are raising the standard for what caregiving looks like – and we all know our world needs a whole lot of that right now. But I also believe we are breaking down any walls of isolation or frustration that our care recipients may be feeling. When we choose to really take the time to see them and take the extra step to help them feel more comfortable and well cared for, we are connecting with them and helping them feel seen – and we want that for our care recipients so so much.

As you go through your day caregiving, I want to encourage you to ponder what your deeper why is the day to day of caregiving. What mark do you want to leave on the life of your care recipient? Do you want to be the one who raised the standards for all of their other caregivers? When you walk into the room, do you want your care recipient to be filled with peace and joy, knowing you will take great care of them, that they will be seen and heard and valued today? I want to encourage you, that you have the opportunity to determine this. You can show up and choose to be the best in the day to day and bring peace and connection into all of your caregiving spaces, or you can choose to do the bare minimum to make it through the day, the choice is yours.

Today’s prayer over all the caregivers -

As we provide care for our loved ones, residents, PCA kids – whoever it may be, may we be reminded and mindful of The Final Judgement in Matthew 25: 40, 45 “And the King will answer them, “Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.” … Then he will answer them, saying, “Truly, I say to you, as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to me.”” May we remember the reality that we get to choose the quality of care we provide. May caregivers across our country and across our world be spurred on to do things differently – to raise the standards for care that our care recipients are receiving. Would there be an awaking for caregivers to be known to go the extra mile, that the “extra step” of putting shoes on well wouldn’t be an “extra step” – it would be the standard expectation for everyone everywhere. Lord, would you open the caregivers’ eyes to see what their care recipients need adjusted in their day to day lives and would you empower their caregivers to make those adjustments.

We love you Jesus,

Amen.